WHOLE FOOD ENERGIZER, read the bold letters I didn’t notice. They are written on the bottle of Chase’s vitamins. Why am I looking at men’s vitamins? Because mine ran out.

“Just take one of my multi’s,” I tell him when he hasn’t any more.
“No. I might grow breasts or something.”
“Are you being for real right now?”
“I’m not taking them.”

I, on the other hand, have no problem stealing from his stash when the tables are turned, but last night I couldn’t figure out why I was folding laundry like a machine.
“Want to watch another episode of Seinfeld? How about Hoarding: Buried Alive? So interesting.” I spoke in speeds hardly comprehensive to my husband whose eyes were half closed.
He yawned. “You can start one and if I fall asleep, well, no harm.” 

It was like I had six arms and the piles were sorting themselves. I brushed my teeth and popped an Aleve because as it turns out, the new Power Yoga DVD I purchased is nothing like the beginner session I’ve been doing for 5 years. Youch. Apparently I was long overdue for a little challenge.

My novel drew me in page by page, I started to relax. But long after the light switch clicked off, I tossed.

Then some idiot dog thought it was afternoon instead of midnight and shortly thereafter I was stifling giggles into the pillow because all I could think about was Brian Reegan going, “Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey!”
Listen to the bit and you’ll know why this is funny.

Blankets pulled close. Blankets kicked away, like I’m on the brink of menopause. Which I am not, thank you.

Ugh, the night. Would I have to entertain it until morning?

Aha, a snack. I needed a snack.
I grabbed my book, a Melatonin tablet for good measure, and then was off to the land of cheese. Still, everything I was doing was in super mode when I heard little feet drop to the floor and run to what I know is my bedroom. I found her cuddled against her daddy. I scooped her into me and breathed in her sleepy breath. There is nothing like the restful face of a child.

All right, round two. By then it was after 3:00 a.m. and I was in that place of debating if I should just fold the cards I’d been dealt and get some stuff accomplished or chance that I’d actually rest.

Suddenly it was morning. I did it. I fell asleep. In my haze I almost forgot to check the label inside the cabinet.
Mm, hmm. That explains it. Selfie note: no vitamin-taking at bedtime.

From now on, I will be more careful. Being up all night isn’t really beneficial for my kind of daily schedule.
But hey, at least I didn’t wake up with a beard. So that’s something.