It was the same as any morning. I dropped my kids while they were still arguing with me over when it is an appropriate time to unbuckle their seat belts (not five blocks from the school parking lot I reminded them), and began to claw my way to the nearest Starbucks. I’ll get tea, which is NOT breaking any commitments, I told myself. Halfway there my tires squealed a U-turn because the ritual- it was the same.
When I got home I lay face-plant position on my bed praying for a B12 shot to the butt and thinking, This is quite possibly the most ignorant thing I’ve ever done. Not so much the idea of a season without, but a season without coffee. In fact, I’m limiting myself to tea and water only. I know. I mean, I have three children under ten years old, two of whom started to run fevers a couple nights before and one who can conjure more curious energy in five minutes than an educational preschool show. What. Was. I. Thinking?
So I started to come up with ways to get around it. There’s coffee ice cream which isn’t technically drinking coffee. Morning Thunder Tea, whose name alone gets my attention. I could smell coffee grounds and maybe some of them would accidentally get sucked up my nose and give me a boost. Or I could keep nibbling (stuffing) that entire can of kettle cooked caramels covered in dark chocolate and sprinkled with sea salt until it’s one big chewy explosion of delight in my mouth but really someone please just…help me!
And isn’t this the crossroads? Help me. Save me from the need for caffeine, that glorious blend of bitter and sweet. Save me from soothing with Girl Scout Cookies, a glass of wine, mindless T.V. watching, and all things that leave me ultimately empty. Save me from myself so there is room for trust. Help me open my hands to more of You.
Then when 40 days has passed and I’ve learned a little about doing without a little, that box of Thin Mints and a full-shot Mocha are mine. In moderation, of course.
Whispers of a Scattered Mind 