I should be doing my taxes. This is unrelated, a minor confession I just had to get off my chest. Whew. Better. On with the rebellion.

Do you know where you are on the vert spectrum? You are on it, make no mistake.

I didn’t know. Not the way my friends do, comfortably fitting the entirety of their personality into three syllables. As if this single description explains everything and I suddenly will understand all there is to know about them.

“Well sometimes it’s difficult for an introvert like me,” say two of the best public speakers I’ve met.
“P’what?” I can’t quite wrap my thinking around this. On stage they are as cozy as I am with a bag of Doritos and an episode of Seinfeld. How can they possibly be introverts? What even is an introvert really? I start to tremble at the sight of a stage and yet could spend hours with a friend over coffee. 

Well, I took a test today. 

True or false, I enjoy solitude:
-I mean, yeah, I can. I like it when my kids go to school and I don’t have to keep answering two dozen questions about what causes mold and why it looks that way. I like to settle in for two hours and dissect the dialogue and themes of a great piece of fiction. So, I choose true. But wait, because sometimes I want to climb the bedroom walls when one of us gets sick and I’m therefore stuck for all eternity in a cyclone of Lysol and bleach and I would love a grown-up conversation even with the cashier at WalMart about our schizophrenic weather. False, then? Ugh, next.

True or false, I don’t talk a lot:
-Blog. Next.

True or false, I like to be the center of attention:
– False. Remember the aforementioned stage fright? Although, without the pressure to perform, I don’t mind a few eyes my direction when I think I’m being funny. Who doesn’t? Then there’s Facebook and my undeniable “like” issues I brought up yesterday. I’ll go with true. No, False. Definitely…most assuredly…fa-true. Next.

True or false, I prefer one-on-one conversations:
-True. Unequivocally.

True or false, the real you is easy to get to know:
-True, much to the chagrin of some. Next.

True or false, I start conversations with people I don’t know.
-Cereal aisle, Lucky Charms? We’re besties. True. Go.

True or false, when I’m around people for a long time, my energy fades.
-False. The chaos of Christmas Day, the hubbub of a Super Bowl party make me thrive. I love it. Next.

True or false, I tend to think before I speak:
-Hm, not always. But sometimes. Neutral.

By the end of the test I felt like I owed someone somewhere an apology. What a mess. 
However I’m happy to announce, I have the results. And my own three syllable word that I will soon be wagging around conversations like I know important and smart things.

Hello, I am an Ambivert. Nice to meet you.