Small Surrenders

Why We Need You

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“…when the story of earth is told, all that will be remembered is the truth we exchanged. The vulnerable moments. The terrifying risk of love and the care we took to cultivate it.
And all the rest, the distracting noises of insecurity and the flattery and the flashbulbs will flicker out like a turned-off television.”  -Donald Miller, Scary Close 

If you haven’t been stuck in a car outside an elementary school pick-up line, quite frankly…you’re among the few still sane in this world. But if you’re like the rest of us, you know what that 20 minute standstill is good for. All those texts. Just as many stray eyebrow hairs. (What is it with daylight bringing those suckers front and center?) Screaming toddlers who throw sippy cups at the dashboard. And of course, catching up with the other soldiers in the trenches. I like to call us moms.

It was on such a day, as I was likely checking my teeth, that I spotted her. I knew her car from when our girls weren’t in kindergarten. Before they dumped their Crayolas into a big bin together. Back when they wore pink tights and tutus and were barely potty-trained. Back when we each only had the two children.

I waited for her to look up, the timing of this particular social medium still a mystery to me. Eventually her head turned and I shot my hand in the air like I had suddenly noticed her too. But she didn’t wave back. Oh, she didn’t see me, I thought.
Except we quit talking. She wouldn’t return my texts. News traveled that they were moving. And I was crushed.

It can be daunting, can’t it? Friendship isn’t always like those flowing beach novels. It isn’t as faithful as a Thursday night sitcom from the nineties. We try, we get hurt, and somewhere deep inside we make a vow to never let it happen again.

“…it is a surrender. We open up to another person, and to God, our particular questions and dilemmas.” -Emilie Griffin, Small Surrenders

It would be a tragedy if we were to stay safe. My heart, your heart is beautiful. And it is desperately needed in this culture. Even the parts you don’t like about yourself, they are a piece of the beauty too because something incredible happens when we say we struggle, fail. It allows another the freedom to say, “Me too.” It allows the Spirit to start changing and growing us.

“How can we be loved if we are always hiding?” -Donald Miller, Scary Close

When we offer the wisdom of our life experiences and the truth of our inadequacies we harvest an intimacy with someone who will be there when tragedy strikes and we are brought to our knees. We share a bond that pushes us beyond stagnant faith. We live out the love of the gospel, because don’t think for a minute it won’t stretch us to also love well in our communities.

Been hurt? It’s okay. We all have.

Follow me through Lenten season at southeastcc.org/lent

I’m No Good at This

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It’s become quite clear I’m no good at this Lent thing. If my earlier description of face-planting on my bed from lack of coffee wasn’t enough of a clue. But when you come from an environment of rigidity and religion into one of truth and freedom, it’s difficult to invite restrictions again. Still, I see the value and I’m in this.

The two days I’ve been assigned to write so far have paralleled chapters in Small Surrenders about prayer. And each time I rolled my eyes. Griffin touches on the feeling of “fear of consolation in prayer.” That is not where I find myself at all, I thought as I read it. Most of the time I bounce from one drop-off lane to another, barely eat a sensible anything, and then hope God knows my heart as I shamefully find that scrumptious side sleeping position in my mattress. How am I supposed to pen anything introspective here? If nothing else, I am afraid of my constant failure. 

Ah, and it comes into focus. Both ideas are fueled by one thing. To quote one of my favorite authors, Brene Brown-
“…shame is the fear of disconnection. We are psychologically, emotionally, cognitively, and spiritually hardwired for connection, love, and belonging. Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” 
And what is prayer but speaking our truest selves in the most significant relationship we will ever know? At our core we long for emotional intimacy, love, and a sense of a belonging. We’re women, for Pete’s sake, whoever Pete is. Prayer is our avenue to this with our Father.
So how’s your journey going? Did you fail and give up, or want to? Does shame keep you locked from trying again? Do you fear that the joy you are experiencing won’t last and is somehow a reflection that you aren’t going deep enough? Take heart, friend. We are all in this lesson of grace together. I believe with my whole heart that God is not disappointed in you. Rather He misses you, pines for the time you will come back, loves you with a “perfect love casts out all fear” kind of love, and cannot wait to hear from you. He is perfect so we don’t have to be.
So go ahead, scoot on into His arms and tell Him all the things. Even if you’re afraid.
 
References: Emilie Griffin, Small Surrenders; Brene Brown, Daring Greatly; The Holy Bible NASB, 1 John 4:18

Follow me and some amazing women as we continue blogging through the Lenten season at southeastcc.org/lent