Were you like me? Did you follow the story with shock and anticipation, hope for a certain ending, wish for a miraculous healing, and wait with bated breath on November 1st to see if she’d stick to her original course of action? Did you read the letters and listen to the YouTube recordings that begged for her to change her heart?

This weekend I shared one of the many blog responses to her decision. A story of a woman who is fighting alongside her mother with the same tumor as Brittany Maynard. I asked the question, “What do you think?” As I read through the debate it became clear that there is something so valuable in this discussion. Yes, I agree these issues should be contemplated with careful consideration. Yes, if we are to vote on mandates or freedoms or taxes in regard to identifying personhood, it isn’t something to overlook. And from a spiritual or moral standpoint, we need to seek. I know where I stand but this isn’t about that. It is about being seen.

“But what about people like my mom? How about the individual who chooses to fight knowing all the consequences that he or she could face?” -Nadin Naumann

“If you ever find yourself walking a mile in my shoes, I hope that you would at least be given the same choice.”  -Brittany Maynard

When the hair she held while her mom vomited in the bathroom eventually falls out in chunks from a toxin that is nearly as deadly as the cancer. When seizures leave her with a bloody mouth and sore joints. When there is no longer a question of modesty. When aching and nausea overtake life.
Do I understand? Can I take into me the severity of this journey? The way it rips into the lives of everyone close?

Not fully. I’ve been in the depths of depression, the throes of anxiety. There have been days when I’ve wanted to be dead, though I’ve never been suicidal. Life can crush and devour and leave us utterly lonely. And I wonder if this is also her hope: Please know how this disease makes us suffer. Get it, the pain that is overwhelming, the fear that won’t cease. Do not miss this because it matters to me so very much that you know hard it is.

 Who of us has not felt the same?

She wanted awareness, for her story to carry meaning well beyond the chill of this fall. And whether I agree with her final choice or not, I want to see the suffering around me. To have the chance to say, You are not alone in your pain.

“Yes, your dying will be hard, but it will not be without beauty.”
“But in our dying, He does meet us with His beautiful grace.”  -Kara Tippetts

Behind Brittany Maynard’s death was much more than a political platform. There was a girl who needed to be seen and loved. That’s what I want to remember.